Angie looked over at me while we were watching television. She didn’t say anything and so, after a moment, I turned and looked at her. “What?” I asked.
    “I didn’t say anything,” she replied.
    “I know, but you were looking at me.”
    “And?”
    “If you focus your attention on me, it seems like a request for the attention to be returned.”
    “Maybe I just wanted to look at you.”
    “Or?”
    “Or maybe I wanted you to look at me.” She studied me, studying her. “But I never said anything, so your question makes no sense. You can’t start a conversation by saying, ‘what?’."
    “I disagree,” I countered. “Your looking at me so that I would notice, implied something - even if it was non-verbal. I didn’t understand so I asked, ‘what?’. You started the conversation by looking over.”
    “So I started the conversation by not saying a word?”
    “Look, you know what non-verbal communication is. Don’t they say that seventy percent of all communication is non-verbal? So sure, you could begin a conversation non-verbally.” I shrugged - and you did - and turned back to the television.
 

    After awhile, she turned to me again. “How do you know that my looking at you started the conversation? After all, perhaps we were communicating non-verbally while we were watching tv – before I looked over?”
    “Maybe,” I said. “But if both of us had our attention on the tv, what were we communicating?”
    “I like you, I’m comfortable. I’m sitting here, watching tv with you, and I’m relaxed.”
    “Okay, I’ll buy that, but then, why turn and look at me like you did? How does that follow sitting comfortably with each other?”
    “Maybe I sensed the slightest change in the atmosphere, which I didn’t fully understand, and I thought that focusing on you might answer my unspoken question?”
    “What type of ‘change’?” I asked.
    “Well, say we were both sitting here, watching tv. The unconsciously created vibe of the room was one where both of us were feeling or thinking the same basic thing: comfort, relaxation, recognition of the other and their inclusion in this comfort.”
    “Right…”
    “And then, say, something on tv sparked within you a thoughtline which differed from this mutual atmosphere we had created.  Maybe someone on tv said a certain word or phrase which reminded you of something, and you began thinking of some new thought overtop of, or in place of, the ‘comfortable with me’ thoughts. Maybe I noticed the slight change, however imperceptible to the eye. So I looked over – either to see if you noticed it, or, to see if I could identify it.”
    “So…you’re saying that I made you look at me?”
    “No, you didn’t make me. I could have chosen not to – to disregard the new input and just focus more on the tv, or myself, or any number of things. Or maybe the change was in me. Maybe I just looked over at you to see if you noticed it.”
    “So you don’t even remember why you looked at me?”
    She shook her head. “I’m not that aware. The thoughts move too quickly to follow. The feel of the room – I don’t know what changed. All I know is that I decided to see if you had noticed it or not.”
    “The first thing I noticed was you turning to look at me. To be honest, it’s been so long that I don’t even remember what it felt like before that. To me, that was the starting point of now.”
    “See, I can remember the feeling of watching tv and being comfortable. But I can’t go any further back than that. What the feeling was before that. Was it uncomfortable? No – I know it wasn’t. It was just different. But I don’t remember it, at all.”